then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
