Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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