The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
