yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
