Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I had to cum in my sink.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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