I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
