There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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