Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
