You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
