I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
