Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
