You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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