She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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