remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
