So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
