Only a mothe r could love this liver
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
