My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
