I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
