i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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