you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
