In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
