i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
