YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
