His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
