how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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