I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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