Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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