It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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