JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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