pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The uberlube is also flammable
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
