tell your sister to shave her snatch
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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