you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
