it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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