No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
