Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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