OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
