All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
where are you?
Hypothermia
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
