I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
