I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
