Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
