just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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