Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
