Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
