Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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