Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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