Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
