dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
