Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
