I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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