note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I checked into jail on foursquare
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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