Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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