Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
