I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
